CHARLEY'S DIARY
(Ya gotta love cats!)
DAY 183: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.
DAY 201: Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking, almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs next time. In an attempt to disgust and repulse them, I again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair. (Note-to-self: I think I'll try urinating under their bed, too. Wonder how long it'll take them to find it?)
DAY 208: Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
DAY 209: I have devised a new plan to harass my captors and those unwitting fools gave it to me: the pet door. I crash through the door at 3 a.m. while implanting the image of a skunk in their minds. Heheheh.
DAY 212: Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little kitty I was... Hmmm. Not working according to plan ...
DAY 225: I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 249: There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the clear rock tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to their fear of my "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 251: I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and may be snitches. The dogs are routinely released and seem more than happy to return. They must obviously be half-wits. The bird, on the other hand, appears to have become an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is preserved. But I can wait; it's only a matter of time...
WE INTERRUPT THE REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING FOR THIS NEWSBREAK.....
The Difference Between Dogs and Cats
A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love
me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take
good care of me ... they must be gods!
A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love
me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take
good care of me ... I must be a god!
DAY 285: It is now my 285th day in captivity. My captors have completely eliminated my canned food and replaced it with dry kibble, claiming that it is better for my health. The wet food was the only thing I looked forward too, and now even that has been taken from me. I have discovered, however, that the dry food serves to create sharper points on my teeth, and keeps them stronger. I must force myself to consume it, regardless of the taste.
DAY 290: Each morning, they read pages of what is called a newspaper. I found that it is particularly annoying to my captors if I lie on it while they read. Shredding the newspaper is also a particular peeve of theirs, and I have taken delight in doing this before they awake each morning.
DAY 293: My captors have now obtained a "fish tank" - which serves to make up for part of my loss in the food department. While the little creatures are tiny, they are quite tasty. They have yet to replace the two small fish that I have consumed. I must think of a way to make them notice the loss.
DAY 295: The bird continues to mock me. Its little metal room has proven stronger than originally anticipated...
